Monday, July 23, 2012

Things I've Come to Terms With

1) I'm not going to shave my legs until I'm back in the states. 
It's going to be exciting. Maybe if my leg hair gets long enough I'll dye it cool colors and braid it. Expect updates.
2) I don't like monkeys.
I've never had an affinity for monkeys, but I think I truly began to dislike them when I saw the Chimps on Planet Earth. I didn't like seeing animals that so closely resemble humans do violent and unprovoked, "human" things. Things like eating their young and murder. It's even worse that Chimps, being apes, are even more related to humans than the typical monkey. I've generally always liked animals more than I've liked people, so this whole group of physically similar, thumb-opposable creatures just creep me out.
However, my dislike of monkeys is in no way comparable to my dis-like/trust and fear of frogs and toads. I can't even look at those amphibious bastards. In fact, just typing out their names' give me the creeps, but I digress. I still appreciate monkeys and think they can be quite cute. Therefore when I first came to Southeast Asia in the fall of 2009, I thought the prospect of monkeys trapeze-ing through the cities like birds was exotic and mesmerizing. If only I had known what I know now, maybe I could've saved myself from the imagery that still haunts me to this day.
Upon entering Thailand I found the monkeys to be cute and mischievous. They darted through the streets and traffic like thieves and ninjas. The babies clung to their mothers so tight, and they were even cuter when they ventured off on their own. I dreamed of finding (capturing) a baby monkey to adopt as my own and take back to America, where it could live the American-monkey-Dream and achieve great fortune and fame as a test-monkey in privatized space exploration or work in the cosmetic development industry.
Much to my displeasure, I soon found that monkeys were actually quite spiteful and indecent. The Monkeys would steal food and even attack people. Despite being so closely related to humans, monkeys had no qualms about cleaning their genitals and defecating in public. I tried to look past this. I tried to feed the monkeys and show them love, as I am convinced that is what most animals truly need. But after I was chased away from my bedroom door by a monkey, I could not look at the creatures with an unbiased view and I saw them in a different light. 
My young, budding relationship with monkeys finally ended on a pleasant day in Agra, India. We had visited the Taj Mahal earlier in the morning, so we were now on a rickshaw headed to the mall to see a Bollywood movie in the airconditioned theater. As usual, I was riding with my head out the side when I saw a monkey on the edge of a roof, standing on all four legs, with her baby clinging to her chest. Just as I was thinking, "Oh, how cu...", another monkey (presumably male) came up behind her and started fucking her doggy-style. That was it. I was done. Monkeys, you tried to steal my heart but you just couldn't keep it in your furry pants long enough for me to love you.
Now that I am once again in India, I find that I was rather dreading having to deal with the "monkey-problem" again. Lucky for me, it seems that Northern India is much more plentiful in monkeys than it's southern counterpart. I'd been here for officially one week and I hadn't seen a single monkey. Until today.
On my way back from shopping (What? No! I didn't have class this afternoon...) a friend and I saw a group, perhaps a family, of monkeys sitting on some rocks near the post office. She was thrilled to spot her first monkeys in India. I was not. 
So monkeys, know that while you may be fuzzy and adorable little ninjas, I will not seek out your love again. Not this time. 
3) I'm getting a roommate.
Remember when I said that "it was safe to say that I wouldn't be getting a roommate"? That was a naive lie. I've just have never had much luck with roommates, so I can't help but be worried about my upcoming roomie. Obviously, I think I'm a good roommate. I can be a little messy, but never dirty, and sometimes I can get a bit passive aggressive, but only in the most dire of circumstances. So future roomie, I wish you the safest of travels, just don't come early. Please. I'll probably need all of tomorrow to clean.
4) I am incredibly unsocial. 
I'm sure most everyone is saying, "Well duh. No shit Harper," but alas, it's true. Being thrown into a foreign country where you know absolutely no one really requires every ounce of "social" my body possesses to come out. It didn't.
I don't know what went wrong in my childhood to make me be this way! Sure, I have deep-rooted trust issues. No, I probably wasn't hugged enough as a kid. Yes, I'm generally described as "intimidating", but how am I supposed to fix what I don't even realize? Being a characteristic that I do not have is hard, especially when Sybil or Keli isn't around to do it for me.
Contrary to what I'm describing, I have actually made some friends and I have actually gone out some nights. But no matter what, I'd really be just as happy exploring alone or sitting in my room with a book... and a cat. I have come to terms with my unalterable fate as a crazy cat lady, and I am perfectly okay with that. 

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